Text | Lu Yue
The most common formula for a Chinese-style marital crisis
“Why are men so stupid? He’s obviously a green tea bitch, but he can’t tell?”
This is a phrase I often hear in the consulting room.
Chinese-style marriage crises are often like this:
Straight girl + middle-aged crisis man + green tea bitch = bloody marriage crisis
The story generally goes like this:
Once upon a time, there was a woman who lived in a comfort zone. She didn’t have high expectations for life. She had a child who was a little noisy at times, but was generally well behaved. There was a husband who was absent-minded and looked at her phone every day, but went home on time. ; There is a job that I don’t like very much, but I enjoy leisurely. The woman said to herself: It’s true that it’s plain and simple, what more do I want?
The so-called “people sit at home, disaster comes from heaven”.
Seeing that my husband’s career is starting to pick up, we want to live a good life.
Suddenly, a “green tea bitch” fell from the sky, and the man entered a period of madness.
At this time, “forbearance and ruthlessness” is the most common trick of the original match.
Endure the pain in my heart and move with love:Talk to men bitterly about the kindness that has been with each other over the years,
Xiao Zhili:It’s a bitch to analyze green tea with men. If you don’t quit in time, your life will be ruined.
Balance it for the benefit:If you go crazy, what will the child do? Can you watch your child get hurt? If you don’t stop, I’ll find your leader to make trouble!
After a long talk all night with no results, then there will be a big quarrel for three days, a small quarrel for two days, one crying, two troubles, three hangings, and finally saying: If you don’t cut off your relationship with her, we will pass.
As a result, the man said:When are you leaving?
At this time, the woman was really dumbfounded:Why is this man so cruel?
In just a few months, you can overthrow the feelings accumulated over more than ten years?
If a man says that, it is actually a kind of “compassion”, at least a “pleasure”.
Afraid of “soft knives grinding people”, he swore that he would never contact him, but he found an ambiguous text message within two days.
Seeing the man go from tender to unfeeling day by day, this is simply the pain of lingering.
The most terrible thing is not betrayal, but you never know, she will come to you quietly.
Could it be, green tea bitch, is it really a cancer cell in the emotional world?
How are we supposed to kill the green tea bitch so quickly?
It’s easy to hide and hide, but it’s hard to guard against. Do you know how to deal with a creature like green tea bitch?
We do three things:
1. Know yourself and the enemy
If we want to kill the green tea bitch, we must first understand the three types of people in this emotional game:Green tea bitch, crazy husband, honest wife.
In fact, all three of them have in common:They are all good kids.
What is a “good boy”?
A “good boy” is someone with a different heart.
When we were pure natural children, we all had the same heart, we cried when we were hungry, cried when we were happy, and said anything.
But soon, we learned that we can’t bring out all of our truth.
We can only live out the part that my parents accepted me.
I had a friend who was in the children’s toy section of the mall.
Here are the three most common types of kids looking to buy toys, she said:
- One looks at the toy without saying a word, but tears in his eyes. In the end, the parents can’t stand it anymore.give herBought it – immediately turned sadness into joy.
- One is crying and arguing with the parents, but in the end it was not bought.
- One is that parents say not to buy, reluctantly give up one step and three turns.
The first is the future green tea bitch, who realizes wishes through emotional manipulation.
The second type is a straight girl in the future, who doesn’t know how to achieve her wish.
The third type is the future crazy husband. They are very eager, but they can’t fight against their parents. They can only suppress it silently.
Why do we have these three responses?
Someone once told me that everyone called me a green tea bitch, but you don’t know how I grew up: I’m prettier than my sister, and I can talk. My sister thinks my mother is biased, so she often takes advantage of no one I slapped me on the face when I was at the time, and I told my parents at first that they didn’t believe me, so I fell from the upstairs and into the river for a week. The last time I cut a bloody cut on my head with scissors. Then I said to my mother: My sister accidentally scratched it, and then said casually, “It’s strange. Every time I’m with my sister, strange things happen. Mom, what do you think is going on?”
My sister said it wasn’t me who did it. My mother looked at her strangely. Later, my sister was completely isolated at home, and she no longer dared to bully me.
But I’m not happy at all, because I don’t think anyone in this world can be trusted.
I also heard the confession of a crazy man:
After living for most of my life, I found that I have never lived for myself at all! When I was young, I listened to my parents, then I listened to my teacher, then I listened to my boss, and then I listened to my wife. It seemed that I kept trying to meet the needs of others, but I never lived for myself.
When I finally got promoted and became a so-called “successful person”, I found that everything I had was worthless. So when she said: Live for yourself once. I can no longer control myself.
What about the stubborn girl?
She would say to me: I was shocked when I saw the chat record of that green tea bitch and my husband. Later, I read her Weibo, Moments, and Douyin every day, and I couldn’t stop.
I said: what keeps you from stopping?
She said: How can she live so presumptuously, what she said, what she wears, what she eats, where she plays… I suddenly looked at myself in the mirror and felt that I had lived in vain.
I said: In fact, you also want to be a lively person like her?
She said: I remember when I was 13 years old, when I was leaning on my father’s shoulder, I suddenly felt a coldness behind my back. When I looked back, it was my mother’s eyes. It was so cold that I shuddered. getting farther and farther away…
In fact, everything the green tea bitch does is precisely what she has been “prohibited” to do since she was a child, that is, she is free to be a woman, she will dress very neutral, speak harshly, or Become very “greasy”, she will find a “right” man to be with and live a “smooth” life, the only benefit of which is to forget that both of them are lustful people.
And ten years later, a green tea bitch will wake them up from their dreams, and men will find that I can live such a bloody life, I can drink the nectar of love, and I can write poetry like an adolescent boy , cry and laugh.
At this time, the “upright girl” will find that she has been let down in the first half of her life.
Those loves that she didn’t have the courage to pursue, those things she didn’t have the determination to do, all woke up, but in front of her was the more difficult second half of life.
So what about green tea bitches? It looks like the only winner in this game is her.
But is it really so?
A “bitch” means her inevitable fate.
If a person plays all the routines in love, then she must live a fake life. What is the price of living a false life?
That’s why she became the loneliest person in the world.
Because all the love others have for her is obtained by scheming, she can believe that once the mask is taken off, will that fanatical man still love her?
This is a paradox. If you keep performing, what you get will always be fake love; if you show your real self, how will the other party accept your incompleteness? would you believe it?
Men are not all fools, why is he obsessed with your love?
That’s because he needs to get himself drunk and let himself forget the cruel reality. You have to be 100% sweet, add a little bit of bitterness, and his love for you will slowly decline.
So in the end,Green tea bitch → repressed man → upright girl, in fact, they are all grasshoppers on a rope, they can’t live out themselves, green tea bitch relies on scheming, repressive men depend on repression, and upright girls rely on forgetting that they are a woman, but scheming cannot win Sincerely, madness can’t replace reality, and even if the green tea bitch is driven away, the straight girl still can’t understand how a woman feels.
This is a real game, whether we can live happily and whether we dare to live fragilely.
In the depths of love, dreams will be broken. This is the truth. No one wants to face the truth, no one wants to face themselves, so we all weave one dream after another, so that we don’t wake up, but the green tea bitch is the one in the white rice Flies, it reminds you:Are you going to sleep like this?
2. Develop a strategy
So many people come to me for consultation, and I have to tell her,
You have two choices: one is to drive away this green tea bitch, or let the green tea bitch disappear from your life completely.
There is no doubt that everyone will choose the latter.
Then I would say: If you want to kill the green tea bitch completely, not kill one green tea bitch, and thousands of green tea bitches stand up again.
Then you have the most impossible job possible: being a woman.
How to be a woman?
Take off your persona.
What is a persona?
For example: a woman blamed herself in front of me: that green tea bitch understands my man’s heart, I have been his wife for so many years, but I don’t understand as well as this woman, my husband said that they can talk very well and think she is good learned.
But in fact? She asked a friend who knew the green tea bitch, and the friend said that this person was a vase.
How is this going?
I said how do you communicate with your husband?
She said that her husband’s favorite saying is:You don’t even know this, so let’s talk about it.
Then I felt very aggrieved, and I especially wanted to immediately study what he said about the Sino-US trade.
I said what if you don’t study?
she says:I will feel like I am nothing.
Does she need to become a Baidu engine to save her husband?
Her biggest problem in the relationship is that she puts the standard that defines her value in her husband’s hands. That is to say, she has always worked hard to gain her husband’s approval, but once you put your dignity in the hands of others, you are destined to get no self-esteem.
I asked her: Why can’t you be ignorant? Why do you have to know everything?
She said: I never thought about it, I think of my mother, if I get 100% in the exam, she will say that I am not good at writing, and if I am good at writing, she will say that I am proud of laughing; If I didn’t laugh either, she’d say why don’t you go and study right away…
In short, I always make mistakes, and I never do enough. I never get that sentence: Okay, enough, you have done a good job, whatever you do, your parents love you!
If she can’t get this sentence, she keeps running, always asking for it, never thinking about it. You don’t need someone else to give this sentence to you, you can give it to yourself: My mother doesn’t run away, can you manage it?
When you were young, you couldn’t resist the pressure of your parents, and now that you’re an adult, why can’t you say no?
Although I don’t know about Sino-US trade, you have no right to speak of me with disgust. I like everything about me, including my inability.
When we talked about this, I found that her waist straightened, her eyes brightened, she smiled, and she said: I never thought about it like this, it feels so cool!
After a few consultations, her clothes became beautiful and colorful, and I watched a woman slowly give birth to flowers, budding and finally blooming.
Finally the man returned.
what did she do?
Because in this war,The only weapon is whether you grow up, whether you can have your true self, whether you like yourself, whether you can live with your heart.
All will follow the more powerful person, and all will be convinced by the more powerful person.
In the face of growth, scheming is the most useless bubble.
When this woman realized that her self-esteem was in her own hands, and that it was her responsibility to love herself, she no longer knelt on the ground and begged for feeding from a man, the man suddenly discovered that what turned out to be really attractive, truly attractive His, always by his side.
The man said, I did ignore you for a long time, but recently I found that you seem to be shining, I never seem to find you so attractive, your appearance has not changed, but you make me feel completely different , it seems you have more energy.
I really don’t understand why I like such a fake woman.
How can I defeat the green tea bitch so easily?
Simple, learn to love yourself and be your own woman.
Ps: I can talk about the specific tactical level in a later article. Or you can click the link below to practice now.
—— Helpful heart, not lonely ——
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Gifts of roses, hand a fragrance.