Why did the man willingly satisfy her?Green tea bitch speaking skills announced

This Saturday is still an article by Chen Jordan, a consultant I admire very much in the company.

The article he published last Saturday, “Men Can’t Refuse to Raise Demands Like This” was liked by many people, and many people said that they wanted to see deeper and more specific techniques for raising demand. The teacher shared more practical and specific skills based on specific scenarios and problems, hoping to inspire you.

In the future, I will screen out very good articles for you every Saturday, and my articles will meet with you tomorrow.

by cold love

Text|Flower Town Consultant Chen Jordan

May you have the right love, I am with you, hello everyone, I am Chen Jordan, I see the words like my face, I am very happy that my column “Proper Love” has been seen by everyone.

In the last article, I talked about learning to express needs, so that others can love us better, then learn to express 3 things to do:

1. What are your real needs? 2. How to make yourself have the courage to speak out? 3. How to express it well?Such a demand, a man can not refuse! Girls who ask for help like this are the most adorable!(Click the blue font to jump to the article)

I have to admit that very few girls do all the above 3 points, but what they can really do may be the so-called “green tea bitch” in the eyes of some people. They are happy and nourished, and men in society seem to prefer them.

We won’t talk about whether “green tea bitches” are really bitches, but it is certain that they have high emotional intelligence. Women with high emotional intelligence know what they really want, and are particularly good at expressing their needs. The way they express their needs can be roughly summed up in the following three expression skills.

These 3 tips are what I often talk about with clients during the consultation process,Of course, I don’t want them to be someone, but I hope they have the ability to properly express their needs in an intimate relationship and let the other person love them better.

Today, I will share with you how to better express your needs from the cases I have come into contact with and some common scenarios, so that the other party can know how to love you and satisfy you better.


Use exploration instead of control

If you are said to be a strong manipulative person, you can tryReplace control with exploration.

Xiaoli and I complained that my husband said she was strong and always wanted to control him.

I asked her how she communicated with her husband and she said:

“For example, after dinner, I told him to let him go for a walk with me, and he said he didn’t want to go, so I said you would go with me, other people’s couples would go for a walk, but my husband said I was forcing him all the time. , I don’t think I have.”

At that time, I asked Lily:

“Have you asked your husband if there might be something wrong with him after dinner?”

Lily said to me:

“I didn’t think about it that much.”

So I taught Xiaoli to try it out.exploration instead of controlto express needs.

Later, Xiaoli was very happy to share an example of such communication with me.

She once said this to her husband:

“Husband, will you have an hour of free time after dinner?”

Husband said:

“It’s okay, I have nothing to do today.”

Then Lily said:

“Then can I take up an hour of your time, and you can help me choose clothes for winter on the Internet, because I wear them all for you to see. If you find it troublesome, forget it, and I will choose it myself.”

Xiaoli’s husband said:

“Of course it’s fine anyway.”

So why did this communication succeed?

Because LilyWhen exploring whether the husband has time, the expression is not an instruction, so that the husband feels that he has a choice.It is an added value to say that picking clothes is for the other party to see.

And here’s another trick,double ending.

The trick with double endings is that the other party can agree or not.

When you express your needs, you can use double endings to give men a choice.

Exploration instead of control, plus added value and double endings, this complete process makes him feel respect, he has the right to choose, and you understand him. At this time, he has no way to reject you. .

Because if you control him, it means “Husband, leave an hour for me at night and help me choose my winter clothes.” This is demand, that is, your control.


Replacing anger with criticism

When you are easily said to be a temperamental, angry and emotional person, we can try to replace anger with review.

The other person has done something wrong, and you want the other person to change.Usually, everyone is like this, even if they know they are wrong, they don’t like being told by others, so at this time you can useReview instead of anger.

Once Xiaoli’s husband told Xiaoli that she and her colleagues were going to dinner, and Xiaoli asked him if there were no girls present? He said no.

And Xiaoli saw that her husband’s colleague’s circle of friends found out that there were girls there. Xiaoli felt that she was deceived and was very uncomfortable. She hoped that her husband could correct it.

At this time, Xiaoli found me again and said how to communicate better, so I suggested to her that you can express your needs and not say “I think you did something wrong and you need to change it.” This way is wrong.

First of all, you need to examine the reason behind his cheating on you, whether you usually control his interpersonal relationship too strictly, causing him to cheat you. If this is the case, you need to express yourself with a review.

you can say:

“Husband, I think it’s my fault.”

He must be panicked and will ask you:

“What’s wrong?”

You can say:

“Is it because I’m controlling you too tightly, so you don’t dare to tell me if there are girls at your colleagues’ party?”

You can’t use the word “you lied to me”, if you start with a pomp he’s sure to contradict you. So, you have to say “don’t dare tell me.”

You start with a good attitude.

Then you can go on to say:

“I think it might be my problem, I care too much. But if you have girls at your party, it doesn’t matter if you tell me. I won’t be angry, of course I may have been angry before, but I need some corrections. time, okay?”

When you replace the anger with the review, you express your own needs, you must allow yourself and the other party to be temporarily unable to do it, and give each other some time to face such a thing together.


Replace change with improvement

When you are easily called by others as a picky and demanding person, try it when you express your needs,Replace change with improvement.

If you think this thing, the other party has done a good job, but you hope the other party can improve in some areas.

Relatively speaking, if you point out a mistake, it is better to use more “more” to express your needs.

For example, today your boyfriend is on a date with you and invites you to a great French meal, but he is more than ten minutes late, and he has been late several times before, and it seems that he is slowly getting into the habit of being late. He improves on this.

You can say this:

“Honey, every restaurant you pick is great, but I think it’ll be even better if darling can be there on time next time.”

If you really need the other party to improve a place, you can express your needs with more “more” on the basis of affirming him.

He’ll know that you’re happy with what he’s doing and just want him to get better. There will be a “better” part, which also makes him receptive.

Another example is a boy who is very attentive to you, and will say to you soon after you know him:

“I’m going to buy you a car next month.”

If you think it is unacceptable, but you refuse directly and you are afraid of hurting the enthusiasm of the other party, you can express:

“I think you want to buy me a car, maybe it means that you like me very much, but I think we may have more contact. If we are sure to be together, then what you give me may be easier for me to accept.”

This expression not only affirms the emotional part of the other party, but also tells the other party that what he wants is more contact, and does not undermine the other party’s self-confidence. It tells the other party that the relationship can still be sent, and gives the boy a correct guide.

Therefore, many times we want to express improvement rather than change. We need to achieve a five-point change in the expression. You need to express your needs with more “more” to make it more acceptable to him.


needs will change

If you are really in an intimate relationship, you will constantly find out, what do you need during the interaction between two people? What I want is to be constantly updated, because after a person grows, there will be a continuous process of self-awareness.

So I suggest,There should be some regular communication between two people.

Use regular communication to express what love I want at this stage and how I want the other person to love me, forming a regular expression. Both parties can choose an appropriate time interval and communicate regularly to express themselves.

When our needs or what we want have changed, you should take the initiative to tell the other party, so that the other party can treat you in a correct way, so that the other party can adjust.

Don’t let the other party run after you. After you go home, you will guess your thoughts and the changes in your heart, which will make the other party very uncomfortable.

For example, if you are very busy at work during this time, you should tell the other person:

“I hope you can give me more support during this time, and maybe spend less time with me.” You have to express your needs.

But at the same time you need to know what the other person wants, you can ask him, maybe he will say:

“I support you, but can you set aside some fixed time every day to call me?”

The two sides regularly exchange some needs, which can make the relationship between two people more stable, which is a good way to get along in the process of getting along in a long-term relationship.

Get to know what your partner wants on a regular basis and give some feedback on a regular basis. The partnership between the two is very close, like an automatic billing service. The member is bound to your bank card, but starting from this month, every Members are naturally unhappy if they are charged an extra 20 yuan per month, but they are not notified in advance.

When your needs change, you should inform the other person and let him adjust, instead of him chasing after you and guessing your mind.

And regular communication and feedback is like upgrading the mobile phone system in your hand. The service content and method are upgraded according to the user’s experience and needs, so sometimes you really have to ask your partner: how is the user experience?

The good parts are further optimized together, and the bad parts are changed as much as possible. That way you can reap the right kind of love that lasts for a long time.

Not telling the other person what you like and what you don’t like, and waiting for others to understand your own words without saying anything, is actually a kind of avoidance behavior in modern interpersonal communication.

Only after you express your needs more, learn to ask for help, learn to give feedback, and learn to express your needs correctly, can the other party meet your needs, and then you can affirm the other party, and the relationship will be a benign system.

Well, our ability to love series of articles, has already talked about “the ability to love yourself”A woman who can’t be separated from a man is just doing a good job of this little thing“The Ability to Love Others”How many years have you been poisoned by “all things on your own”? Why is he slowly not being nice to you anymore?and these three recent articles “The Ability to Make Others Love You”Such a demand, a man can not refuse! Girls who ask for help like this are the most adorable!you can directly click on the blue title text to read the article.

Next week we will bring you the last part of the ability to love: “The ability to accept the person you love to love others”, this ability can help us get out of the emotional predicament of breaking up, cheating or marriage cheating.

May you have the proper love, I am with you, I am Jordan Chen, see you next week.

Author | Chen Jordan, a nationally certified psychological counselor, a third-level marriage and family counselor, an emotional supervisor in Huazhen, a writer for Leng Ai’s public account, and a special course instructor for major live broadcast platforms. Systematic study of psychological counseling and emotional counseling in Taiwan. He has been studying with and supervised by the object relation psychologist Hu Shenzhi for a long time. Professor Shen Jiahong has studied “family dynamic therapy” systematically for one year. The systematic study focuses on short-term treatment. He has his own unique way of dealing with sexual emotional problems and intimacy. insights.

Illustrator | Shen Zhen, Huazhen emotional visual designer

Editor | Thelma

The illustrations in this article shall not be used for commercial purposes by any organization or individual without the permission of “Flower Town”

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